Hey ya'll. I know it's been awhile (I've said that on the last couple of blogs too). My goal is to post every Sunday. But anywho....I want to make it through this story so I can change topics. But in light of obedience, I will continue :)
So we ended on our first attempt of having a baby with doctors assistance- unsuccessful. It was a hard journey. It took a toll on our marriage, on our mental health, on our physical health, all of it. But we're here and still standing. We decided to hop back in the ring for round 2 and try again.
This time, I joined two infertility support groups. One group was centered around food, faith, and fitness. This group was lead by Andrea Wilzbacher Kohlmeyer called Fueling Fertility. This was a program I paid to be apart of and it was awesome. I had confidence in my food choices and fitness but it really did help build my faith- because just to be frank; it had dwindled by this time. The second group I joined was lead by Lady Leah Hill McNair called The RememberHer ROOM. This was a two day event with live session. Full of stories of women who had similar challenges and overcame them. Full of prayer, fasting, and support. These two groups really helped me mentally, emotionally and boosted my faith. I am forever grateful for these women pouring into all the soon-to-be mamas.
So we scheduled a one on one meeting with our doctor. Explaining all we've tried; yet again. He wanted us to get more test, so on and so forth. While we were getting our test, I glanced over at our paperwork. When I read what was on that paperwork, I had a plethora of emotions. Based on some prior testing, it was decided we needed to go through the ICSI process. This was not told to us, but it was on the documents, These documents were not given to us, I just happened to glance over and see it.
Pause for the cause: ICSI (Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection) is a type of IVF (In vitro fertilization). In the traditional IVF process, the egg and sperm are placed in a petri-dish to naturally come together. After they come together the fertilized egg is placed back into the mama to start growing after a couple of days. During ICSI, the egg is manually fertilized with the sperm by the doctor. After fertilized it is place back into the mama to start growing after a couple of days.
So...that was the process we needed to go through? How much will that cost? How long will it take? I had a million question. And guess what? We still have not been told this information by our doctor.........even to this day.
After getting more test, they all came back normal. No issues. So we are back at square one- unexplained infertility. So the doctor wanted to move forward with the IUI process. He believed this would give us another fighting chance. I didn't know the emotional toll this process would take on us, but we were down for whatever at this point.
During this process for the second time- my trust in Jesus was strengthened. Doctors withholding information, infertility unexplainable. The medications didn't help us do it naturally. Changing our diet didn't help us do it naturally. Changing our workout routines didn't help us do it naturally.
I was really at a point of , "alright God- I quit. What would you like for us to do"?
Sometimes we can want something so bad, we chase it without considering God's plan for our life. Then once we get it, we think God did it for us. Sometimes, the enemy gives us things to drag us further and further away from God. I challenge you to quit!
Yes, I said Q U I T!
Quit doing it your way. Quit doing what you want and expect God to back your decisions. Quit making decision without considering God. Quit living your will. Allow God to lead and guide you. He's know what's best. He created the blueprint.
Continue to read the blog and walk through life and infertility with me! I am so glad to share this space with you! Know that your words form your life. Speak out loud what God says about you. Walking into the place you prepared with your prayers -all the things God has assigned to you in his will- declare
I TRUST YOU GOD
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding " Proverbs 3:5
I love you girl,